Taking Stock

Taking Stock

I can’t remember the last time I have been able to be outside at the end of October without a jacket, savouring the fresh fall air and enjoying what remains of the trees’ colour pallet. I am sitting in my backyard writing this blog, while both dogs are sleeping soundly not too far from me, with leaves on them.

The month of October has been busy, but also revealing in so many ways. October marks, more or less, the halfway mark of my one-year leave without pay from the federal public service. I had told myself that I would take the time to pause and reflect on these months and see what I wanted to change, if anything, for what I consider to be the next phase of this leave.  I went to New York City for a few days last week.  Some are surely thinking that I didn’t choose the most zen place to have this reflection but in fact, the trip turned out to be very profitable in this regard. I was able to see a lot of art, walk until my legs hurt and reflect on many things.

Do I regret my decision to leave the public service? Not one second. For all the reasons that I have evoked in previous blogs and in conversation, made it so that I was fundamentally and continually in conflict with my purpose and value systems. I didn’t enjoy the work anymore, or more specifically how the work was being done (or not done in many cases). I have had more intellectual simulations in the past 6 months than in the last two years of work. Working in a reactive, chaotic, and short-term deliverable environment does not lend itself to sustained reflection. In fact, more often than not, it is not welcomed. When you think about it, this is incredibly sad and unfortunately for Canadians, it is translating into incongruences that are plaguing certain public policies at the moment. 
I was certainly more drained than I thought I was and it took me longer to recuperate from years of pushing the envelope. I find that my resilience is
perhaps less than it was, but I think it is due to the fact (besides age) that for the first time in my life, I am respecting my limits and boundaries.
Throughout my education and professional careers, I never had a sense of deep pride or accomplishments for the results I achieved. I always felt somewhat empty after victories or successes. For the first time in 50 years, I actually feel proud of myself. For my decisions, for what I accomplish and more importantly, for who I am becoming. This is probably the biggest gift I have received, or I have given myself, in the last six months - a much greater sense of self-love.

Looking back, I am realising the extent of the inner deconstruction I have done to bring out my authentic self.  Beliefs of being only defined (read loved) by performance,  intellect or what you give to others are pervasive and when entrenched at a young age, hard to shake off.  I feel that I am now, more than ever, aligned with my true authentic self.

This being said, my personality of being curious, driven and result-oriented is alive and well, to the point that I still have to check myself in terms of not working too much.  While I dictate how I spend my time, the vast majority of  my endeavour has a big creative component, which requires significant emotional, intellectual and physical energy.  Having enough down time to replenish creativity and energy levels remains an ongoing journey.

The next six months will be much of the same - my creative projects, including writing my book and volunteering, will continue to keep me busy and engaged.  I plan to use my voice and skills to help others and highlight the need for good, humane leadership as well a much more empathetic approach towards each other.

Art Journey

In terms of my art journey, the month of October was mostly dedicated to doing a 48 by 30inch commission. The scene represents my interpretation of the view the client has from his cottage (see below). The other part of my artistic journey has been to further develop my skills in regards to silk screening.  Looking at the art at the MOMA, Met and Whitney museums in New York, nourished my desire to further explore and delve further into my art.  As I am starting to think about my plans for 2025, I am leaning towards doing fewer shows to have more time to experiment and create new art.  I want to come back to creating more for myself as opposed to for a deadline or a show.  More on this in the next few months as I continue to reflect on the best way forward for me. 

 

This year again, I will be having my annual sale around the time of Black Friday (and my birthday).  New pieces will be available and reductions will be offered. If you wish to have access to these savings before everyone, join my email distribution list on my website.

Lastly, I will also be launching, in the coming weeks (date to be determined) a line of upcycled clothing, where gently used garments (most t-shirts) and tote bags made of recycled material will have been upcycled by an original silkscreen design.  Every garment is silkscreened made by hand and thus, original and unique.  Wearable, sustainable art.  If you are interested in being the first to hear about it, drop me an email and I will make sure to send you information when available.  My next blog, will be focus on this crazy but wonderful endeavour.

Until then, I hope you had a happy Halloween.  Wishing you to cherish your authentic self. 

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1 comment

Thank you Mireille for sharing.

Aliou

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